The 40+ Beauty Survival Guide: Cheap Moisturizer, Red Lipstick, and Zero Regrets
Here are some beauty tips from a 43-year-old woman who is extensively, proudly unqualified to give such advice:
1. Get a Skincare Routine (Or Don't)
Get a skincare routine that works for you. Or don’t. I’m not a cop or a dermatologist.
At the bare minimum, wash the makeup off your face before bed. Coconut oil is great for removing eye makeup and you can get a big ass jar of it at Publix for like, $7.
Mariah Carey has been through some shit in her life, and as a result, she’s accrued some hard-earned wisdom.
Listen to Mariah.
2. Buy All Your Moisturizers in Economically Sized Jugs
Be like lotion: unbothered, unafraid, and moisturized like a motherfucker.
Slather your body in Nivea. You can get a big ass jug of it for like $7, too.
Slather Vaseline on your lips and lashes before bed. Again, big ass jug, $7.
Look, just buy all of your moisturizers in economically sized jugs.
3. Find a Power Red Lipstick and Wear the Hell Out of It
Find a great red lipstick and wear it everywhere. Sephora Collection makes a Cream Lip Stain liquid lipstick for $15–$17 that doesn’t budge, no matter how many times you kiss your kid or your dog. Get it in Spicy Terracotta.
Also, I read somewhere that men don’t like bright red lips, which is all the more reason to wear it. Cherry lips, go baby go.
4. Hydrate (And Pluck Gray Hairs at Red Lights)
Drink water. Sparkly water totally counts. Polar Seltzer makes Blackberry-Mango and Pomegranate flavors, which are so much better than the "fruit at 1% battery" taste of LaCroix.
Don’t worry about your gray hairs…but also feel free to pluck them at red lights because you are large, contain multitudes and are kinda bored.
5. Wear Black (Even in the Heat)
Wear black. Even in Florida. Even though your sister says you look like you’re always about to attend a casual funeral. It goes with everything and it’s kinda witchy…which is the vibe we should all be pursuing before we end up in red smocks.
6. Dealing With 40+ Hair Loss Without Getting Scammed
Around 40, you might start to lose your hair. It could be postpartum hair loss, perimenopause, or maybe you lost someone you loved and that’s the shape your grief took. Either way, it sucks, and the Internet will try to sell you a bunch of serums and supplements promising instant hair growth. None of them work, and all the women in those Instagram reels are actually wearing lush extensions.
Here is what actually helps:
Minoxidil from Costco because it actually works
Multi-peptide serum for hair density from The Ordinary because it can’t hurt and they make good shit
Dabur Amla Hair Oil from the Indian store because it makes your hair really soft and while you’re there, you can grab the korma simmer sauce, raw cashews, bird chillies and frozen kachori
Fake hair from Amazon that makes you look like a mermaid.
7. The Ultimate Glow Secret: Argan Oil & Kohl
Have you ever met a Moroccan woman? They are luminescent. I spent part of my honeymoon in Essaouira and Marrakech, and my God, the women there looked like the moon was glowing just underneath their skin.
The secret is kohl for the eyes and argan oil for everything else. Massage your face with it every night before bed and rub it into the ends of your hair. Get the jasmine scented kind.
You’ll smell the way the Taj Mahal looks in the moonlight which makes sense because holy shit, do you even know how beautiful you are?
