Loco Taqueria and Oyster Bar: Chips, Salsa and Veggie Quesadilla
As a long suffering Miami Dolphins fan who has watched the Patriots go to the Superbowl eleven times and lives in the same county where billionaires think they can exploit women without consequence (because they fucking can in Palm Beach County, apparently?), I have but one thing to say about Boston:
*except for New Kids on the Block, Ben Affleck, that bar named after Charles Bukowski, Norm and Cliff from Cheers and Dropkick Murphys
Firstly, this is partially my fault.
I mean, I’m the one who decided to go to a Mexican restaurant with a flagship in Boston that also doubles as an oyster bar.
You know what Boston isn’t famed for? An extensive Mexican/Chicano population.
You know, what they are famed for? Rioting so they wouldn’t have to desegregate the public school system. This crisis ended in 1988. NINETEEN FUCKING EIGHTY EIGHT. The year the University of Alabama formally annulled the expulsion of its first Black student, Autherine Lucy Foster and invited her back to complete her education.
Note: she ended up earning her Master of Arts in elementary education and graduated alongside her daughter. And then, 30 years later, Bama awarded her an honorary doctorate and renamed a campus building in her honor. The University of Alabama, y’all.
Yeah, I’m not gonna take my foot off their neck.
You guys. They fucked up chips and salsa.
I have eaten at James Beard award winning Mexican restaurants (shout out to Guelaguetza in Los Angeles - I love you forever), teeny holes in the wall and Chili’s and I have never had bad chips and salsa.
Until now.
The $14 Chips & Salsa Trio at Loco Taqueria featuring Habanero-Mango, Salsa Verde, Poblano Crema, Salsa Roja, and... honey mustard?
The Vegetable Quesadilla ($14) stuffed with corn and zucchini.
The Spot: Loco Taqueria and Oyster Bar
Location: 840 N Railroad Ave, West Palm Beach, FL 33401
Vibe: Gorgeous setting, beautiful patio, a dimly-lit and sexy vibe which is perfect for a night out or a date.
The Bite: Chips and Salsa Trio and Veggie Quesadilla
Price:
Chips and Salsa Trio - $14
Vegetable Quesadilla - $14
Vegetarian Status: All are vegetarian
The Flavor Breakdown
Firstly, the thought of paying the usurious amount of $14 for a dish that arrives free as part of basic hospitality at other Mexican joints annoys me but given the location, it’s kinda par for the course.
This is not your Mouthy Sandwich Girl’s West Palm Beach; this is Chanel Carpetbagger West Palm Beach.
The server was lovely and did warn me that the habanero-mango salsa wasn’t spicy.
Hold up. Car Dealership Sized Red Flag.
How is your habanero salsa not the remotest bit piquant? Maybe the server was a Halle Berry level Hot Ones all star. Again, my fault. I should have listened.
The platter comes out and there is a decent amount of food - the chips are made with excellent tortillas and they are freshly-fried, thick and not greasy in the slightest.
And then, there’s the salsa.
Starting from left to right:
Habanero-Mango Salsa: An emulsified salsa with so little heat my five-year-old ate most of it. Have the Aggies gotten their hands on habaneros too? Goddamn it, I hope the Longhorns kick their asses in everything ever until the heat death of the universe.
Honey Mustard: No, that’s not a typo. That’s honey mustard served alongside tortilla chips. A culinary error that should only happen in the furthest reaches of Azerbaijan where they don’t have Mexican food, not in a nation sharing a border with Mexico.
Salsa Verde: Made with parsley or that stuff enabling Harry Potter to swim underwater for an hour in Goblet of Fire. Salsa verde in name only.
Poblano Crema: A glob of thick sour cream tinted light green because someone walked it past a poblano at some point.
Salsa Roja: Basic salsa roja with tomatoes, cilantro, onion, and lime. It was the spiciest of the lot, which is to say: not spicy.
I kinda always want to eat chips and salsa. In fact, I am constantly banging the drum about how there needs to be a national chain where you can go and just get chips, a variety of salsas and margaritas.
If you asked me I wanted to go back to Loco and get chips and salsa, I would refuse.
The Vegetable Quesadilla was decent - filled with corn and zucchini; two of my favorite vegetables - and appreciate the fact that there was a plant-based quesadilla option on the menu that isn’t just cheese or rife with mushrooms.
The Bonus Bites: Fries and Mozzarella Sticks
Mozzarella planks (with Oaxaca cheese) breaded in nacho cheese tortilla chips served over pickled onion kale salad ($14).
The unsung hero of the night: crispy, seasoned fries.
Price:
Fries - No clue. My kid asked for them and I didn’t see a price point on the menu.
Mozzarella Sticks - $14
I have to say the fries and the mozzarella sticks were excellent - huge portions, well-seasoned, super crispy. I swear, the fries seemed bottomless which is a feat for three hungry adults and a five-year-old who can be counted on to eat fries like it’s his day job.
Oh and sticks is actually a misnomer; they’re really mozzarella planks with Oaxaca cheese which are breaded with nacho cheese tortillas which makes for a nice change.
Also, the bed kale with pickled onions that the mozzarella was served on? It was delicious. I would have gladly devoured that if it was served in a bowl with a little corn, tomatoes and globs of fried Oaxaca cheese.
My husband ordered the Cochinita Pibil ($28) - achiote marinated pork shoulder, morita hot sauce and salsa criolla - and said the pork was dry and not very flavorful and the sizzling octopus ($26) also got a similar response - “meh.”
The Sizzling Octopus ($26) and Smoked Paradise cocktail at Loco Taqueria & Oyster Bar.
Boston doesn’t know Mexican food, but they know sports (even though in 1956, Bill Russell joined the Celtics and became the city’s first black star athlete. Following this, Russell’s home was broken into, vandalized, racial epithets were spray-painted on the walls and he received threatening, racist letters. In his memoir, Second Wind, Russell called Boston, “a flea market of racism.” No. My foot remains firmly on neck).
If Loco pivoted from a Mexican joint to a sports bar which served “Girl Dinner,” they would do numbers.
The outdoor patio at Loco Taqueria in West Palm Beach. 10/10 setting for date night or drinks.
Interior bar vibes at Loco Taqueria & Oyster Bar on Railroad Ave.
The Beverage: House Margarita
The $13 House Margarita at Loco Taqueria: tart, balanced, and refreshing.
Price: $13
A good margarita is hard to find and most places are fond of serving oversized goblets filled with syrupy mix and bottom shelf tequila. However, the margarita at Loco is pretty decent - tart and refreshing without being overly sweet.
I was a fan. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for the Smoked Paradise ($15), a mezcal-guava-hibisicus syrup cocktail that’s heavy on the guava and light on the signature mezcal smokiness.
One Mouthy Sandwich Girl Rating:
Flavor & Freshness:
🥪 🥪
I genuinely don’t understand how a habanero salsa can be so mild and devoid of flavor. Like, this mystery is gonna haunt me in the same way the identity of the Zodiac Killer does (we’re 100% on the fact that it’s not Ted Cruz, right?)
Value for Buck:
🥪 🥪
Their normal pricing is aligned with similar restaurants in West Palm Beach, so I can’t hate on it too much, but if I had to go back - I would go back for Happy Hour which is a much better deal.
Vegetarian Variety:
🥪 🥪 🥪 🥪
You know, I’m gonna give it to Loco on this one. Lots of plant-based options including the choice to add tofu to the salads and a dedicated plant-based taco (Brussels sprouts) that is actually made of plants.
The Verdict:
🥪 🥪 1/2
Loco Taqueria and Oyster Bar has indefatigable vibes but girl cannot live in vibes and margaritas alone (I’ve tried. it doesn’t end well). My abject loathing of Boston aside, the fixes are easy here - spice liberally. I recognize that the flagship is from a state known for Puritans and Governor Mitt Romney and so spices are kinda anathema to their existence but in this life - I know two things to be true. The first of which is that anything with habaneros should be spicy and the second, quite simply is:
